Atomic Buffalo Turds

Yes you got it right-Atomic Buffalo Turds were made and consumed this weekend. See, here's the deal. I fancy myself a bit of a high end cook/BBQ guy. I did some catering this weekend and to add to the deliciousness of slow smoked pork shoulder, I added a tray of ATOMIC BUFFALO TURDS. I just love typing that out. Ohhh...you haven't heard of these yet. Well settle back and grab some pork rinds and a big R.C. cola and I'll learn you sumthin. Atomic Buffalo Turds are made as follows: Take some fresh jalepenos and cut in half-longways goober. Then you take yourself some softened cream cheese (hold on cowboy-it gets better) mix the cream cheese with as much cajun seasoning you can stand and slap some of that inside the hollowed out, DE-SEEDED jalepeno. Now you take a little smokie (you know-those little weiners) and slap one of those suckers in there & wrap that puppy up with some bacon and toothpick it. Put them in a pan and cook them over indirect heat for about 25-35 minutes or until bacon is done. Get ready for artery clogging heaven & to defend youselves physically from everyone except the veggie/vegan peeps at your party (why are they there anyway?)
Anyhow, the catering went well. I slow smoked 25 pounds of pork and took about 18 pounds over to an annual labor day cookout as requested and it didn't last 20 minutes. There were only 19 adults there. I took 7 pounds to my fantasy football draft. 14 guys and a whole brisket, sandwiches, chips, dips, french loaf and snacks. It lasted there about 10 minutes. So how long did the ATOMIC BUFFALO TURDS last at both places? I timed it- less than 7 minutes for 40! 40 freaking cheese and weinie stuffed jalepenos. If I could figure out how to deep fry those bad boys, I would hit every state fair east of the Mississippi & make my fortune.
Well I hope this post has been informative and entertaining. I also encourage you to hire me to make them for you along with BBQ, chicken and anything grilled. I can go high end too. You name it and I have probably made it for a large group of people. So get out there and spread the ATOMIC BUFFALO TURD goodness and don't blame me- I didn't name them, I just perfected them.
Smoke 'em slow & low
SF

That facebook thingy

I have missed my friends and family for a long time now and I would call various people when I first got here and complain and they would listen and comment on how bad it was there. The last person I talked to before moving to Ohio was Yameah and he said good luck, Godspeed and do what you gotta do. Well I did. Now I have found facebook and it is like stepping back to the past. I feel like it is a class reunion with people you actually liked. One friend married a girl I knew at another school 2 years before. I would have never put them together. I found my best friend from kindergarten, dudes from high school and friends from old jobs. Now if I could get them all together for a BBq, I would be set. Heck, I even found my Great aunt in Miami and she still talks to me. I like it alot better than myspace because it is more mature and less porno. So if'n you wanna check out the master of the Casa de loco, go to facebook and look up lackoftaste and see who we both know.
I keeps it real.
SF

Football & no more A/C

Just a short note to tell you about the weather. It is perfect, what I would call Indian Summer. 55 degrees last night, windows open, odd critters making freaky sounds outside my window and no humidity. That means it is almost time for football. I am ready for High School, College and pro ball. If you know of a pee-wee game I'll go to that too. I just really like football. Yes, I played in high school and yes, I have a fantasy league, two infact. I am one of those guys.
I had one leagues draft at work last Sunday and my other league is this weekend. The work draft was kinda business like. There weren't any drinkers there and only one bowl of chips and some really good buffalo chicken dip. It took 2 1/2 hours. The other draft will start at 6:30 ish in the morning with polish breakfast, move on to golf at 7am, poker at noon and the draft starts at 4 in the afternoon. There will be lots of food and some poor decisions made due to the amount of polish breakfast beveradges, golf beverages and poker beverages.
I will be BBqing pork shoulder until about 3 pm. I think it will be an advantage in my favor to make a grand entrance and not talk too much to anyone prior to the draft. You see, I have the first pick and I do not want to let anyone know who I am picking. It is not a huge surprise as there are only 2 or 3 people that are worthy of a first pick. I am thinking about trading because of the pressure of drafting someone who might get hurt or retire mid season. Ohhhhh the fake pressure of drafting my fake players to go on my fake team to play fake game and possibly go to the fake Super Bowl to win real money. The draft is one of the highlights of my year.
I told you I was one of those guys.
SF

End of Summer,BBQ, Olympics & cars.

Well it is getting close to the traditional end of Summer here in the Midwest & that means end of Summer cookouts, more festivals to go to, high school football and cooler weather. I mentioned before that we had our first real party in 13 years on July 4th. Well, a friend of ours has an annual Memorial day cookout and an annual Labor day weekend cookout. She says they always do burgers and dogs and many, many side dishes. She mentioned something about me BBQing a pork shoulder for her at one of her parties. I am pleased to announce that I have been summoned. I am taking my show on the road, albeit about 2 miles down the road, but this is for a different crowd. She asked me how I do what it is that I do and what she needed to buy, so I sent her an e-mail. I decided to put a portion of it here. This is by no means and end all be all list or procedure-just an better than novice take on BBQ pork shoulder. If you see something not quite right or have a better idea-please comment and help a brother out.
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Dear CJ
I could come over early and start the pork and from there it is just adding coals, wood,turning it every 2 hours and waiting around for it to cook. I can bring over my charcoal grill if you only have propane. ( I didn't want to say "if you only have gas"-just doesn't sound right) Anyway You'll need about 2 medium size pork shoulders 6-9 pounds, (I'll split the cost of those so I can take some BBq to the draft) Some hickory chips, and lump charcoal. I also use Famous Dave's rib rub, celery seed, garlic salt and coarse ground black pepper for the rub, Worcestershire, apple juice and BBq sauce for the baste. I really like Sweet baby rays' BBq sauce. But it is up to you. I get the soulders at Cubs. You have to do it a day or two early cuz they cut them up for chops & stuff. Sorry about the long e-mail, but I get really excited about this stuff. So, the process, I get the shoulders the night before and wash and dry them. Then I put the rib rub all over each shoulder. You wanna do this on a cookie sheet as it gets really messy. Make sure they are evenly coated and not caked on. I then sprinkle celery seed on them, just a light coat-like if you were putting salt or pepper on a steak. Then Double wrap them in aluminum foil & put in the fridge.The next morning I start the fire 7 hours before the food needs to be on the table. Take about an hour to get the fire just right. You wanna big fire but only on one side of the grill, the opposite side of the flu/chimney. Soak your wood chips overnight in apple juice. You're gonna use the whole bag. When the fire is ready, spread the coals only halfway until they are even. Take the wrapped pork and put it on the opposite side of the coals fat side up and open your flu/chimney halfway and your air intake? about 1/4 of the way. You don't want a super hot fire. remember "slow and low". It will start out really hot, around450, but you can control this with adjustments to the flu/air intake. Hotter-open wide, cooler-almost closed. Turn the pork, just rotating-you do not want to flip it as you want the fat to melt into it to make it moist--mmmm....moist pork. Sorry, got off track. So you wanna rotate this about every 1 1/2-2 hours.You're gonna wanna check your coals about that time. If it needs it, add a couple of hand fulls to the furthest end. After about 4 1/2 hours you wanna take the foil off of the pork and set it fat side up basting with half apple juice, 1/4 Worcestershire and1/4 BBq sauce mixture. Check your coals and start putting the wood chips directly on the hot coals. Close the lid and watch the smoke rise. After about 30minutes, check the pork for color, rotate and baste. Pull the pork off of fire when color is a golden to dark brown. Let sit on a cookie sheet for 10 minutes. Pull or chop pork, put in deep pan and sprinkle some rib rub and hot basting sauce to keep moist----mmmm...moist pork. Sorry, I am getting hungry. *Mix it all together and put a baseball size hand full, compacted on a bun, put BBq sauce, hot sauce and slaw on top of that. You want a tower of a sandwich. put top bun on and put your bib on. Eat,Drink & repeat last step*. I hope this helps. If not you can read this later for insomnia.
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Like I said in my earlier disclaimer-I ain't no expert, but it sure tastes good.
So on to other stuff. Like I said end of Summer, blah, blah blah. I still have yet to take a vacation, still brokety, broke, broke and am still longing for the beach and the people at the beach are longing for my money. But some great festivals are coming up. The Italian festival is in a couple of weeks with pizza, calzones, live Italian music (played by live Italians) and college football on the big screen in the courtyard; Seafood festival, popcorn festival and soon after that Harvest festival and Oktoberfest. Mmmmm....bratwurst! I love me some festivals.
Speaking of festivals, how about that big festival in China? (how's that for a segway) I have a couple of questions. The United States is spelled in English, as is Canada Great Britain, Jamaica and the like. Why is China, South Korea, Russia & every other non-English speaking country spelling their name in English on their uniforms? They are not spelling it in their home language. I have a hunch that it is because English is the language of business and a bunch of people from other countries speak English as well as their native tongue. It could be that most of the countries are being sponsored by American interests such as Nike, but then most of the stuff they are wearing was made 40 some odd miles from Beijing. It could be that we, as Americans just don't care to learn another language & T.V. coverage is generating mucho dinero for the teams and countries. Any thoughts?
Speaking of thoughts, we have to turn our trusty Caravan in by Monday and are thinking about either buying it or getting a newer, cheaper car. As you may or may not know, I sell cars. I have done a boatload of home work on this and we will come out better if we just bite the bullet and buy a new car. The Caravan served us well, but it has almost 60k miles on it and it is due to break down or explode or do whatever Dodges do. It is sure to depreciate more in value and we would be $9000 in the hole as soon as we signed the paperwork. I'll keep all 2 of you updated.
Wow that could've been about 5 different posts. I'll try to keep this updated a little better, we are having internet trouble yet again. If we wanna watch the satellite we cannot be on the computer & vise versa.
Have a good end of Summer,
SF

Issac Hayes R.I.P.

We lost Issac Hayes today. I hope Memphis does the right thing and at least names a street after him. He'd probably like a park better. Black Moses, Hot Buttered Soul & to a lesser extent, Chef.
He was found dead outside of Memphis in his Shelby county home. A family member found him around 1 pm. Hayes wife, their 2 year old son and another family member had gone to the store around noon and found the singer on the ground by a running treadmill. He was unresponsive. Rescue workers responded to the 911 call and preformed CPR to no avail. He was rushed to Baptist Memorial Hospital and was pronounced dead at 2:10 P.M.
Born August 20th, 1942-died August 10th 2008. He was 65. He had been under a physicians care for "medical conditions".
I highly recommend that you go out and buy Wattstax and Hot Buttered Soul and get your Stax on A.S.A.P.
I hope you finally found what you were looking for.
SF

...and now for something completly different.

I got nothin'. So here's some pictures of the girlies from earlier this summer.

E & H strike a pose.

E is Muggin for the camera.H & E twinkie models.S has bedhead.

S faking that smile for all it's worth.

More to come.

SF

HOT! Like Africa HOT.

Most of the time I am on this thing whining about how I miss Memphis. You are not gonna get that today. I was just looking at the noa weather radar for Mphs and it is H.O.T. hot.It was 91 degrees at 10am. Where I am it is about 75. It is due to get up to around 98 with high humidity. The funny thing is, I do kinda miss it. I recall it being so hot that all you wanted to do was stay in the air conditioning and drink lots of beverages. No one relly expected you to do much of anything else.

In my youth, I can vividly remember my Mom and Dad saying "get in or out one". Which meant to go outside and stay there or stay inside and help clean. So outside it was. I would go to the woods where it was 20 degrees cooler and build a treehouse, make new trails or try to catch critters. When I would get thirsty and go in the house I would hear " in or out one or the other" and explain that I was thirsty---well that is what the garden hose was for. We were out all day in the summer and I don't recall putting on sunscreen or ever getting burned. I can't recall dying in the noontime sun and we didn't stop until the sun went down around 9:30, Sometimes later.

I am sure I wouldn't last 15 minutes doing what I did 30 years ago in the summer. I would be burned, dehydrated, hungry and passed out in the middle of the blacktop wondering why the icecream man has to drive so fast through my neighborhood.

So now I am going to go to work and sit in an airconditioned office here in the midwest, get up once or twice to go outside and help the customers and chuckle to myself when they complain about the heat and humidity.

If they only knew.

Stay cool,

SF